If you’re interested in my academic papers you’ll find them here.


Aside from my blog posts I’ve also been writing fictional short stories which you can read below. I’ll be writing and publishing these short stories from time to time so be sure to check back in for other instalments.



Ask a Toddler - Parking

You see some pretty weird things while out on patrol. I don’t usually share these stories with outsiders but seeing as though I’m retired now what are they going to do about it?

So I was on patrol with my partner Florence…way back…like I’m talking in the 30’s. Those days we’d stop and get free cups of tea at the corner shop near the market. As we were enjoying or earl greys we hear shots fired from across the way. Most people either hit the ground in a state of panic while others started running off in all directions.

We called for backed up and scurried off in the direction of the shots. As we’re making our way over, we get a call over the two-way of a 504 in progress at the exact location we were at.

Perched behind a horse trough we peered over to see two men with their backs to each other. Both armed. Both at the ready…looked like a scene out of a country and western!

“Drop your weapons! It’s not worth it!” I yelled out.

Of course back in those days we weren’t armed…the powers that be at the time thought we didn’t need guns…well now what?

They both looked over at me at the same time…one of them said quite calmly “Stay out of it. We’re going to sort this out between us once and for all. There’s only room for one of us under the bonnet.”

They began to take to the obligatory ten paces in opposite directions ready to turn and shoot when back-up arrived…with guns. They were arrested and thrown in the slammer…somewhat of an anti-climax I know.

I turn to my partner and ask, “Do you have any idea what that was all about?”

“Of course, it was a 504…someone called in a 504…over the two-way” she replied shaking her head.

I just looked at her blankly and shrugged my shoulders.

“504 – Tampering with a motor vehicle”.


Ask a Toddler - Now or Never

I could see them approaching from over the road. All my years of training and experience would come down to this…it was now or never.

The day was like any other in Edinburgh, the rain coming in sideways and the wind howling. I’d had a pretty average start to the morning with a call from headquarters informing me that things weren’t looking good and that I’d really have to watch myself. Talk around the members suggested something quite big would happen that would shift the way we move.

Managing to keep my hat on I reach for my pocket at the ready. Watching every move closely, I was sure I could take these guys. I’d seen it all before…the usual inconspicuous bus ride, taking cover amongst the masses. But I knew, I could see them coming a mile off.

The moment had arrived…I saw them crossing the road with such purpose and confidence I had to act swiftly. So I reach into my pocket and retrieve my trusty wireless mic whilst dropping the amp and flicking the on switch in one move. I’d remembered the entire catalogue the night before.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen! Today we have offers you can not refuse, step inside and have a look for yourselves! Almost everything is half price…”

I’ve been a spruiker since 1956 and still love the thrill.


Ask a Toddler - Smoke

Dex reckons he’s got time for another before…*KNOCK KNOCK*…he’s wrong.

‘Fuck, what now’, Dex thinks to himself. He never should have agreed to this. He took this bloody flat in a hurry when his ex threw him out and all it has is one of those shitty little frosted windows in the bathroom, barely fit his head through. There’s no escape now.

‘Alright, Dex…focus…cash: check; wallet: check; phone: check; I’m good’ he says to himself as he susses out this very messy situation.

“Coming!” Dex yells out.

He answers the door, welcomes his guest in and offers her a seat on the couch he found on hard rubbish day last week. He’s been keeping it warm for her…

“Hi”, he says. Dex’s kept it together nicely…barely notice he hasn’t eaten in days.

“I’m famished, feel like a pizza?” he offers.

She doesn’t say a word. They wait in silence. Probably about 3-4 minutes pass…Dex is thinking ‘WTF, is this woman serious?’ when she whispers:

“Gotta smoke?”


Ask a Toddler - Lost in Translation

Coming soon…